Zahir and the reflections...

This time, I knew the D'vali weekend was going to be a long and lonely one. All my friends around - whom I used to bug at unholy hours- where off to their home towns, and my pocket was empty due to some mad but enjoyable rides I did last week. So, the only option was to get some books and play some games on my Xbox.

I went to Landmark to pick up thus Spake Zarathustra, and saw the Zahir on the next shelf. I was thinking of buying it for a long time, so I picked it up along with the other book.

I took the book to read on Saturday after my lunch, and by evening, I finished it - on one sitting. I was not able to put it down once I start reading it, and it was like a big revelation for me.

I always take pride on the fact that I ma a happy man. Whatever happens, you won’t see me in a frowning mood. But of late, I was not feeling happy, and for the first time, my friend Kite saw worry lines on my face. Yeah, I was unhappy, and was very unhappy about that. The worst part was that, I could not make out why I am unhappy.

But no more. Zahir give me the question and the answer and some more. While reading Zahir, I realized that I don’t love any one. Yeah, I love my parents, I love my kid bro and many of my friends, and I absolutely love my bikes and camera. But, I don’t have that 'special' one to love. Till my 10th standard, I was a dumbo. When I joined for PUC, I started reading, and exploring - Ayn Rand, Kafka, Capra, Neruda, Wodehouse, Hesse, Stephen king, Dennis, Astrix - I got many friends and they helped me to re-write my life script.

And, soon I got my first soul mate. She was never my lover - but a friend and lots more. We where together for few years and said goodbyes when the time came. And then I fell in love. She was not the best, but she was the one I liked. So I asked for her hand, and we where in deep love for next few years. Those few years saw us through many things - both happy and sad. And at last we both realized we where not made for each other. So, almost one year back, we parted our ways. Honestly, I was happy when we parted our ways - I got lot of time and freedom which I was missing. And from then, I am living my life to itz fullest, knowing that one day another girl will come in my life and my bachelor life will bid me good bye.
But almost one year down the line, I started to realize how empty my life was. Like the author says in the book ", I set off for a stroll around the city. It was a particularly lovely night, the streets were deserted, the bars and restaurants still full of life, and everything seemed utterly calm, orderly, pretty, and yet suddenly…suddenly I realized that I was utterly alone"

Now, the book has given me the problem, and the solution. Since I know the solution, I am free to act upon it any time, and no - I am not going to fall in love again. The book put my mind back to rest, and when I finished the book, I could sense the happiness in me. I was really happy, and I am back to the happy self again.