Sunday, November 18, 2007

What is “Care?”

M – age 27 – is an average Indian. He doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t hang out in pubs, and is a man of simple tastes. Works in a prestigious research firm, and pretty well settled in Bangalore – owns a flat, bike and all the stuff. Last year he decided to get married. His mom saw a girl from him, who’s family is known to them, and he and the girl talked and both said yes for the marriage, and they got married.
Fast forward to November 2007. Itz been six months after marriage – he is happy, and so is she – well, at least, there is any other reason to think otherwise. One day, out of the blue, he gets a call from his father-in-law that he want to take his daughter to her home urgently, and Madhu said ok. Two days after that, he gets the news that she want to get divorce from him. The reason – she says he is not caring for her. M is shattered, and really don’t know what to do.

M is a very close friend of mine – I know him for past 11 years, and let me tell you – he is a sweet guy. I can give him a clean chit blindly. I have seen him through many crisis and happy times, so, for me, it is very hard to buy what she says. So, I started going deep to find the root. And I don’t really know what to say when I got the clear picture.

Let us call her A, the wife of M. She just finished her MSc and wanted to do further studies. M got her admission to the course she wanted and she was to join the classes from this month last. M goes for work by 7.45 and comes back by 4.15. Saturday is half working day for him, and Sunday he takes A out and usually has food from outside. They go to attend parties and visit friend’s places too. A have never told M that she is unhappy, not give him any reason to suspect anything. M has never scolded her, nor did say no to anything A tell him. Among her friends circle, she always painted a rosy picture about M. In fact, one of the close friends of A told me that she was the only ‘happy’ housewife among them. Her only grouses about M where – M didn’t buy a car, and M doesn’t talk to her while taking her out. M stays near to his office, and don’t drive a car. He recently brought a flat, and never gave much thought about buying a car. Before the wedding, A’s parents offered to buy a car for them as a wedding gift, but he politely declined that. A never told him that she want a car. He doesn’t talk while riding a bike – well, I don’t know much people who talks while riding, and I strongly recommend to all that while riding you should not talk, but keep your concentration on road. She never told him this too. But these two things she told to her neighbors/friends.
Now all of a sudden she is telling that he is not caring for him. So, does caring means buying a car and talk to her while riding? He, being a sensible guy, asked her to come to counseling to sort out if she have any problems with him, but she is not ready for that. When she asked for divorce, he told her that he can wait for six months – if she ever wants to come back, she can. If she still wants a divorce after six months, he is ready. But she is adamant that she wants a divorce immediately. At last, he decided to grant her her wish, and M and A is now undergoing divorce procedures.

I strongly believe if A told M what she felt, or told M to change, he would have been more than happy to oblige. Why can’t she just communicate in plain words? I simply don’t know. And, I think A is an as***le to behave like this. Guys like M don’t grow on trees. If any one of you who read this can find a rationale behind A’s behavior, please comment.


Ranjani said...

It seems to me like A has some ulterior motive in getting the divorce...especially since she refuses to even wait six months. This is strange, there are people stuck in much worse marriages who still decide to stick it out. There must be something she's not telling. What do you think?

--xh-- said...

yup- i bet my bottom doller on that. but what baffles us is taht A is not ready to say any reason; though we tried reasoning with her a lot. she is just stonewalling.

Mocha said...

Dont judge a bok by its cover. Do u really know the truth. U know M as a friend but do u know how he treats his wife. I feel pity for A. I am sure there was valid reason for her or else the parents wouldnot have called. DOnt judge people. My father and mom never listened too me , 10 years later I am still lost and scared. I wish girls have courage like A not feraing what society will think of them .